I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while. A friend of mine inspired this post. I hope you enjoy it.
Now I’m going to “say” something that few women have said to men, something that women should probably address when they come across this issue. Part of their hesitance is that it’s always hard to be the bearer of bad news. It’s even harder when you are giving that news to someone you care about.
I’m going to get to the heart of the matter:
“Why did you tell me you were MANDINGO when you running around with a wee wee?”
I just put it out there. Much easier to do in print than out loud, whether in person or on the phone.
Why is that so hard to say? Nobody wants to make a man’s world crash down around him like that. Some people say it’s not the size of the package…and maybe it’s not if he knows what he is doing with it. More than that, if this man sold you a big dream and then you go to the spot and you pulled out a Vienna sausage, chances are you are more disappointed than anything…unless you are angry as all hell. Now if you fall into the latter category, you probably aren’t going to be as sensitive as you could be with such a “delicate area”. I can’t say I blame you. But if that’s the case, you might come off sounding BITTER (Read: and he might blow off what you said…he had an off night, he can’t please them all). He might get angry and say some ugly things to you (Read: your ***** is just loose, I’ve ever had any other complaints).
Purposeless and potentially hurtful back and forth aside, I think the approach depends on how long you have known this guy and how far you want and expect things to go with him. Now, if this is a one-night type of thing, you can always just chalk it up as a loss and kept it moving. Tell your girlfriends about it (have a good laugh or a good cry, or however you deal when you’re upset) and be done with it. Let the next girl fall for the fake out (because you had to find out for yourself, and experience is the best teacher). Easy enough, right?
But what if (gulp), what if this is a man who courted you? Maybe he started off as a friend. Maybe he is your first college boyfriend, and you made him wait a year before you even…well, you know what I mean. You care about him as a person, and you don’t want to hurt his feelings. THAT is when things get difficult. You don’t want to be hurtful…but you also don’t want to cheat/break up with him if everything else is going well.
What do you do?
1) You can avoid any other sexual contact with him. Just tell him you aren’t really into sex as much as you though you were (and see how long that flies).
2) You can grin and bear it the whole relationship (however long it lasts) and either tell him when it’s over or never mention it again. Or
3) You can put it all on the table and let him know.
I think the circumstances of the relationship dictate the exact flow of the conversation, but I was told that sexual chemistry is important to a relationship and I’m going to say experience (vicarious and my own) have taught me that is true. I do think that there are ways to get around it (Lela Rochon did it in Waiting to exhale, remember? Squeeze real tight and pretend like she had a real man) but why should it be your burden to carry alone? Think of it as a way to grow closer to each other. It will put him in a vulnerable place, but maybe you have already looked up some positions that might turn an inch into a mile (too much?). Instead of (or after) being hurt, he might realize you are willing to work with him despite his, ahem, deficit.
Maybe he won’t, but at the very least, you might have found some new things to try out with the next guy.