* This happens to be one of my absolute favorite Musiq Soulchild songs. If you haven’t heard it take a listen. Hell, put it on while you read this here knowledge I’m about to drop.*
I believe that learning is a life-long process, whether its personal, interpersonal, or scholastic learning. Here recently, I feel like I have been in SCHOOL..and I’m not enrolled in any classes.
I have already made mention of the fact that I work in the medical field. I’m going to let you in on a big secret: we lie. Some of those lies are little white lies like “no, I don’t smell you” (when you smelled the person you were working with as you turned the corner to their room). Other lies are “Lord, please don’t let me go to hell for that one” caliber. I’ll give you an example.
When a SERIOUS not easily identifiable illness has suddenly descended upon someone and doctors are running every test imaginable trying to pinpoint its cause, sometimes they have a very real idea of what the disease is, including your prognosis. Despite the fact that they might feel close to 100% certain they know what the person is suffering from, the doctor might tell you they have no clue what it is (or that they are trying to rule out XYZ a disease).
If that makes you angry when you read it, let me give you a health care provider’s perspective. It’s possible that they are wrong about the diagnosis and the prognosis (new discoveries are made every day), and at times when it seems like the life you used to know was taken away from you, the hope that is offered in the omission can be THE saving grace in your life. It can be the thing that helps you keep pushing forward when the odds seem against you.
That said, I don’t think that same kind of lie works in interpersonal relationships. Allow me to give you an example:
Boy and girl date. Boy and girl decide to become a couple. Boy and girl start making future/”we” plans. Boy OR girl starts missing the past/”me” plans. Boy OR girl lets the other party know how they are feeling…and that they don’t necessarily know what they want.
See the hope that can get built up there? Boy OR girl can go either way. Now, if you are the boy OR girl who is more than happy to be a “we”, that can be the hardest 1-2 punch life ever hit you with. If the boy OR girl who isn’t riding that emotional roller coaster hasn’t decided to do a preemptive strike and end game (break up) right then, he or she is holding out for the hope that boy OR girl will decide that he or she values “we” over “me”. That can be a very expensive gamble. While I do believe that the time that is put into a relationship is invested, I think this situation can make one ride the fine line between investing and wasting. In my mind, if your first mind (your God mind as I like to call it) is telling you that it’s a done deal, any time you put into the relationship after that is time that could have been BETTER spent settling back in the “me” role. That time can be the difference between preserving a friendship and cultivating an enemy.
How does that apply to my learning? I think the lessons that life presents to you keep coming until you grasp the lesson. If you approach the lessons the same way and you end up with the same result, it more than slightly possible that you haven’t quite grasped the lesson. A text forward I received last night might have put it more succinctly: if you keep doing what you always get, you keep getting what you always got. If this is a situation (or there is ANY situation) that life brings to you repeatedly and you keep getting the same results, you can be part of that problem.
In the scenario presented above my personal leaning is toward the safe gamble. I can probably attribute that in large part to the fact that despite my continuous prayers for my alignment with God’s divine will, I still like to feel like I at least have a hand on the steering wheel even if I’m not in the driver’s seat. Still, I can’t say that has worked for me in the past…and I think that’s the lesson. I’m working on letting Jesus take the wheel.