I’m more than overdue for a post. I’ve just been marinating on this one for a minute.
Yesterday I finally got to see Why did I get married too. Part of my just wanted to wait until it came on DVD, while another part of me didn’t want to see it at all. I love the first one (so much that I watched every day for the first week I owned it), and I wasn’t sure that the second movie was going to compare. The second part of me was right.
Now, this isn’t going to be a full on movie critique I just think the first movie was a tough act to follow. I found myself saying “ooh, this is what’s about to happen”, and if I wasn’t dead on I was pretty close to the mark. Some people felt there were gaps in the story line- I just wondered how you go on vacation for a WEEK with an itty bitty baby at home.
The thing that stuck out to me, though, was something Mr. Perry himself said. While he was discussing a situation with one of the other characters (because I realize everyone hasn’t seen the movie and I won’t ruin it for you) he says ” Love is cyclical. There are some times you don’t love your wife and she doesn’t love you, but you come back to it. That’s the way love is.” If that’s not exactly what he said (because I didn’t write it down), he said something to that effect. Even after the movie had ended, that line stuck with me.
Why? Because I wondered how much truth was in it. Mr. Perry has a reputation for dropping knowledge in his productions, and I wondered if he had let me in on something.
I will agree with the fact that there are cycles to being in a relationship. There are times when everything is good. Generally, you find those at the start of a relationship, when the person is brand new and you are exploring how (and if) you two fit together. As you are all doing your firsts as a couple, it probably lasts though then. Somewhere (and that place is probably different depending on the relationship) the rose-colored glasses come off. Some of the things you LOVED about that person make (and this is my momma’s phrase) your @sshole hurt. If you are really trying to be in it for the long haul, you find a balance; you know some good will come with the bad, and you accept it and keep it moving.
The falling out of love thing though- I don’t know if I agree with that. Even if you think the best thing for a relationship is to break up with someone, that doesn’t always mean you don’t love them. You might even do it out of love, because you want to see them happy (and you feel like you can’t give them what they need). Sometimes it can just come from the fact that you don’t feel they love you. I think that feeling can come from a variety of things, but I think the biggest thing is feeling like the person doesn’t love you the way they used to. Maybe they aren’t taking as much time to do things with you or for you like they did when your love was new. Maybe they aren’t seeming to take an interest in you the same way they did before, or they seem like they are picking fights with you because of the other stresses in their lives.
Love changes. That’s fact. It has to change because the people who are in relationships with each other change over time based on their experiences, both as individuals and as members of the relationship. If you are the same person at 23 that you were at 13, its BEEN time for you to grow up. I think that is the downfall of many relationships; we can’t expect to be a relationship with a person who stays exactly the same way as they were when we met them. That often means that our understanding of that person must change, and the way that we love (both ourselves and the other person) must change. If they don’t, there is a very real chance that the way one party gives/shows love won’t mesh with the way the other party receives it.
As I’ve been writing this post, “Don’t Change” by Musiq has been in my head. It’s a beautiful sentiment, but…well, I already told you how I feel about that.