I am not, as a rule, into playing any kind of love games. You can’t need me today and then not be sure if you want me tomorrow. You won’t be telling to pack stuff up to leave today and then ask me to come back next week. I don’t care how much you grovel, beg, plead, any of that SH*T. When you tell me you want me to go, I’m going for good.
I’m always “listening” more to what you do than what you say. I believe that the mouth will lie but your actions never will.
If you have read ANY of my other posts, no doubt you know by know that I recognize all shades of grey in life (and love). Despite that, I have a LIST of things there is no coming back from:
1. Hitting- we can wrestle, but if you hit to hurt…well, my brothers hit to hurt too.
2. Telling me you see no future for us- For me, you can’t recant this. If you don’t see US in your future, then I need to bow out.
3. Telling me to get out- you better be clear. If you say get the F@CK out, you definitely mean forever. I’ll be happy to oblige.
It’s not a long list, but I realize that any relationship is different. Some grey areas that could be bearable by themselves might have someone find them self on my “I’m not foolin’ with you” list QUICKLY.
I want to explore that second point- saying you see no future for us. Because I can’t help but realize the shades of grey, I will say the circumstances will dictate how I receive the comment from my loved one. For me, no matter how you say it, it still might mean I need to bow out- but when I love someone I’m all in and it might not happen right away. I don’t know anyone who can cut their heartstrings that easily, self included. The context might be the different between me needing to move on NOW and RIGHT NOW.
Let’s say we are both in navigating our own individuals trials- we live together,we are both stressed out about what life has for us, we quit our jobs to cast our lots in another field (maybe even in another state) and things aren’t moving as fast in that arena as we’d like them to be, no income coming in, but the bills are still due. Certainly that stress will spill over into our relationship. If at that point you say “I don’t see a future with you”, I’m going to have to throw on a Mary J sad song and head to the exit, ESPECIALLY IF you couple that statement with “I think one of us should move out”. What this says to me is that when things get rough, you see me as expendable. You don’t care if WE sink as long as you swim. Since no one can always foretell the difficult circumstances in their lives, I’m CERTAINLY not going to feel like I can depend on you in a difficult time. With that being the case- I have to go. I’m not going to entertain you saying “I’m sorry, I want you to come back, what I MEANT to say was..”. You can save all of that, you AND fairweather @ss relationship.
Now, say we find ourselves in the same situation. If you say “I don’t see a future with you if we continue like this”, I might be in a more receptive place. Oh, no doubt, I’m going to be hurt. The other party is going to have to repeat himself a time or two to make sure I catch the tail end of the statement, but that statement gives US a little more leverage. In that statement a problem has been identified, and it is likely that the party that made the statement is willing to work toward a solution. That statement represents a starting point from which a conversation about the relationship can take place, and a collective decision can be made about whether the relationship has future potential.