It’s been a minute. My apologies.
The post I planned for today was going to be upbeat in celebration of Black Love. I still celebrating, I’m just going to look at both sides. Bear with me.
I went to a beautiful wedding this weekend. I can’t say I didn’t take notes for what I’d like my wedding to be like. It was an intimate, island themed wedding. Pulling up to the venue, I wasn’t sure what to expect. It was in the middle of a business district- 3 high rises and a mall right across the street. We followed a winding path that split in two directions to get to the wedding site. Coming around the path, I had no doubts about why the happy couple had picked it. It was like an urban oasis. On one side was a wooden bridge over a mini waterfall, while on the other side there were strategically spaced benches where nature lovers (or wedding guests) could sit down to enjoy the intoxicating view. There was a small clearing with an oversized white trellis. Greenery abounded, and it felt like we had stolen away to an island no one but the lucky guests had ever explored.
The vows the couple exchanged were heartfelt. The smiles on their faces seemed endless and were doubtlessly from the heart. As the couple had their first and last dances, it was clear that they had drifted away to a world all their own. They sang to each other like no one else was in the room, keeping easy time to the song and with each other, starting their forever in perfect harmony.
It was clear that everyone in the room noticed it too. The vibe was contagious. The bridesmaids and the groomsmen alike made speeches honoring the love the couple shared, commenting on the changes each had inspired in the other, on the happiness they were sure to have, evidenced by the joy they’d brought each other to that point.
I left the reception with a strengthened faith in Black Love.
Now, please don’t believe I’d lost it. It was just refreshing to see a happy ending come about for a couple of my age peers, to see the joy on their faces at a Black event (minus drunken or angry shenanigans, and the liquor flowed FREELY!). I’ve seen older couples and younger couples miss that boat, keeping a partner around for what they could (financially, physically or emotionally) do for them, fear of being without a partner, or in the interest of an innocent third-party.
Which brings me to the opposite of Black Love.
I’m not really sure what to call it. It’s not hate, and I don’t think it’s indifference. Hell, maybe it’s not even opposite. Maybe its better described as a poor man’s substitute, A VERY STRONG LIKE. There are many reason’s people might choose to pretend that STRONG LIKE is the real L word. Keep reading, I have an example.
Boy meets girl. They date, do the grown up, end up making a baby. Girl wants it, boy does not. Girl shoots boy the bird and tries to move on, keeping in touch with boy’s family for the sake of the baby. Boy’s family get’s on some “Do the RIGHT thing” ish (No Spike Lee) and boy commits to doing right by his child. Baby is born and girl and boy are making a go of it, moving in together and doing the family thing. All is good until girl finds out boy dropped the “L” word on her and some other girls. That’s when all hell breaks loose (and rightfully so).
STRONG LIKE can drop the L word on several people at once. I don’t believe that real ROMANTIC love can- cultivating love is too hard of a job for someone to be able to successfully and sincerely cultivate it for more than once person at a time. Unless you are a polygamist (and your significant other approves) “Happily ever after” love is one on one.
I have heard several people say they are giving up on love. Maybe they say there is no point in trying to mend a broken heart because it keeps getting broke Maybe they say “N*njas/Females ain’t SH*T.” To that I say- that’s the BULLSHIT.
No one is perfect. You can’t blame the next one for the faults of the last one. You can’t start to build a strong foundation with the next one if you aren’t fully over the last one. If this is your pattern in relationships I say “to get something you’ve never gotten you have to do something you’ve never done”. You can use that in love and in life. A good friend of mine once said “everyone has their bullsh*t. Being in a relationship means you have to find the person with least amount of sh*t you can deal with.”
No doubt it’s easier said than done, but it’s NOT impossible.