Tears of a…

I was going to put clown but I’m talking about myself.

For a woman, I have a pretty complex relationship with my emotions. For the purpose of this post I’m lumping all women folk together because -especially when compared with men- we are the fairer, more emotional sex.  I know there are “deviants” in this group, because I was one. I wasn’t emotionless, but I also didn’t get very emotional.

I remember when Set it off Came out. As much of a tear jerker as that movie was (almost EVERY woman I know who saw it cried at the end) I didn’t. We watched it as a family, and my mother looked up at me in astonishment because as she finished wiping her eyes and blowing her nose (and it was that kind of cry), she found me looking at her in amazement. I mean, yeah, it was sad…but um, it was also a movie.

I’m not saying I didn’t cry ever. I cried at funerals of loved ones, sometimes I cried when I hurt myself, even shed a few tears of frustration, but I’d never had a cry out of empathy. Well..until just over  two years ago. Just bear with me.

Let me tell you what inspired this post. I cried at the end of Toy Story 3. Me, the same girl who didn’t cry at the end of Set it Off! I didn’t boo-hoo cry, but I got more emotional than I thought I should get about a cartoon movie (that wasn’t Bambi or Dumbo).

This isn’t the first time these tears have sprung to my eyes about something that a younger me would have laughed at me for being moved by. Still, I’m not as bad as my aunt. She cries at the Charmin commercials. WTF is sad about a bear using too much tissue?! #truestory

I digress. The thing that has made the difference is something that I hope everyone gets to experience in his or her lifetime-  love. Not puppy love, not the ” I love-you-as-a-person-but-I’m-not-IN-love-with-you love, but the ” I-think-of-you-when-I-wake-up-and-before-I-go-to-sleep-and-you-do-to” kind of love. You know, the life changing kind.

I knew I was fooling with the life changing kind of love when I wanted to introduce him to my family. To that point, my family had met the guys I dealt with because we went to school together and they’d come over the house to get me or they met him when they came to move my stuff from college and even then not without trepidation on my part. I didn’t have any kinds of second thoughts when I took him home. While I still try to keep that part of my life to myself, I was a little more willing to share him with my family. ALL of the fam met him and let me know that they thought. My dad was the one who called it though- I think he saw the change in me before  I fully realized that there HAD been a change.

I knew something was different when I came across Set it Off While channel surfing one day. I told you I’d already seen the movie- and still, I cried at the end. Not a “I-can’t-pull-myself-together-tell-me-why-she-hadda-die” cry (because I already KNEW she was going to) but I was so touched by the pain Stony had to have felt by the way things worked out. Hell, (SPOILER ALERT) I was touched by they way Andy felt about giving his toys away.

When I think about it though, knowing that kind of love let me get to a point where I could empathize with the pain of fictional characters. Knowing the highs for myself helped me to fully appreciate the lows that they might have felt, and as I became more comfortable in that feeling it was easier to for me to explore other feelings.   As much as I can though, I try to rein it in. I’m not trying to be known as the sap…but I do get emotional sometimes.


5 thoughts on “Tears of a…

    • Agreed, and this post wasn’t problem focused. Though we all have emotions, we aren’t all in touch with them. This post was about MY coming to terms with my emotions. Thanks for commenting!

  1. I think this post was dope… I’m not very emotional either but I’ve always been pretty in-touch with my empathy for others… I’m crying more these days at movies and sappy sh!t- however foreign to me. I think it’s cause I’m getting older (hormones and such). I’m learning to embrace it tho, relish in it even. I congratulate you… finding that kind of love/feeling is extraordinary.

    • Thanks..and I think IDK if I’ve crossed the sappy line yet…unless you count the end of Toy Story 3 as sappy. I think being in touch with my tears is a big thing. Hormones are…something, and I do think being about to be in touch with and accept that feeling is bringing things out of me I never knew were there.

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