Anyone who tells you being in a relationship is easy is a futhamuckin lie. It’s not. In a previous post I dropped some knowledge a friend dropped on me about how relationships are about finding someone whose faults you can deal with…it’s been years since he said that to me, but the sentiment is as valid as ever.
To me, being in a relationship means finding a common ground. Many times, that is more easily said than done, as people in a relationship may have different socioeconomic backgrounds, core values, or even social habits.
If you don’t believe that socioeconomic status plays a role in relationships, I have a SPECIAL side eye reserved for you. How many couples have you known that break up about money or money management? If I try to make sure every dollar is accounted for and you don’t see a problem in making it rain in the club, it’s not going to work out unless one of us compromising. I’d bet everything I own that the person that WON’T compromise is the person who has to make every dollar count. It doesn’t even matter what club. If you are buying bottles in the club (are you REALLY paying that ridiculous markup to stunt) or if you are making it rain at a strip club (so you don’t want to invest in a pole and some 6 inch heels and let me be your fantasy?!) I can tell you it’s not going to work out. You are investing OUR money (assuming we are looking for a future with each other) into things that won’t bear the fruits of that labor.
Pass. If we can’t find some middle ground, that’s over before it starts.
Moving on to core values. I feel like this is more important than money, because it might influence how you spend money. Let me define it (so we are clear on what I mean): core values are how you feel about family, gender, roles religion, and the like. In short, these are the beliefs that each party in a relationship has before they enter said relationship. These certainly influence the way people look at money, and are more likely to be a deal breaker than anything else. If I am Catholic and you are Muslim and neither of us is willing to budge, how will that work our for our progeny?
I’d be remiss if I didn’t comment on how socioeconomic status can influence core values. If a man (or woman) values the dollar over the time they might invest in the relationship he or she is trying to cultivate, this can be a SURE way to stunt its growth. In some people’s worlds the money one has can buy things that make up for the time that isn’t spent with that loved one. That ideology inspired the phrase “poor little rich girl” (Daddy/Mommy buying things to compensate for the time that they don’t spend with his/her child). At the other end of the spectrum, some parents spend time with their children because they can’t buy them all the material things they wish they could get them. I’d argue that these children are richer, because when that “toy” the rich parent bought breaks or becomes obsolete, the memories that the other parent helped to create last a lifetime.
Reconciling these two worlds can nothing less than a b@tch. It can be hard enough to convince some one to see your point of view in an argument. Asking someone to change his or her worldview can be damn near impossible. As far as I’m concerned, you can give me a memory to all the money in the world. Memories are priceless.