Breakups can put people in an interesting place between sustaining and building a friendship to putting someone in the
“I USED to know” category. Some people can handle that transition better than others. Some people don’t have a clue.
Quick multiple choice test:
Boy and girl meet, play make ups to breaks up. They decide they are going to be together for the long haul and start therapy trying to make things work. They don’t work. Girl leaves, boy begs girl to come back, against (someone’s) better judgement, girl DOES go back. Shortly after, boy moves out, telling girl the night before and asking girl to help pack. Boy and girl had initially put lease in both names but girl’s name was removed when she moved. According to apartment staff, girl did not have to go back into office to re-add self to lease. Needless to say, girl’s name was NOT on lease when boy moved out. Boy had submitted a letter to apartment complex notifying staff of move out, girl needs to be out of the apartment tomorrow.
A) Move out and leave boy liable (after all, wasn’t that whole moving out and not saying anything a big F_kc u?
B) Call boy and try to work something out
C) Call apt complex and ask them what you can do without involving boy
Now, before you choose, let me add that girl felt bad and was planning to pay her half of the rent in boy’s place AND try to maintain her new household (which makes girl a better woman than me…)
Honestly, I think it depends on the of the week and what mood I find myself in for the answer choice I chose. In fact, I think that it wouldn’t be illogical to try all three. If I didn’t let myself calm down I might start with A and let it go. How disrespectful is it for someone to break a lease that they share with you without talking to you about it?! Now, the fact that I HELPED you pack makes me a bigger woman than you. You’re asking me to practice Godliness by turning the other cheek by considering you the like I consider me when its clear you didn’t have the same level of consideration. GTFOH!!!
Sigh. Being that I don’t believe in putting someone out there like that until it is the LAST option, I’d likely start with C and progress to B. Let me reiterate, If options C and B don’t work. I’m cutting my losses and rolling with A.
Situations like this can make the transition from lovers to friends extremely difficult, IF one can say that the two parties involved were ever friends at all. I take for granted that friendship will serve as the foundation before people do the grown up (or insert another sex metaphor here), but I know that is often NOT the case. In those relationships, friendship may grow as the time the individuals spend with each other lengthens but, by the same token, it might only last as long as the relationship lasts. In those cases, if one party has started to withdraw from a relationship, the other party may (OR MAY NOT) notice the effects of that withdrawal on a relationship.
That’s beside the point to me- friendship is forged through trials. I’m not convinced you ARE my friend until you show me you are willing and able to whether a storm with me. I understand you might need some time to become a platonic friend, but I think all actions to that point help establish the plausibility of that relationship. The multiple choice situation above? I don’t know if we could EVER be friends. Moving out of a “we” situation to a “me” situation shows that we are likely the OPPOSITE of friends, as you didn’t let me know so that I could make an exit strategy. Frenemies maybe? (I kid…kind of.)
We might go through a couple of stages to establish our life after lovers relationship. We might just cross each other’s minds every once in a while. We might check in with each other to make. We might actually have a friendship. In large part, that depends on how things end.