Misadventures at Disney

Or where Dreams go to Die..depends on who you ask

I am never going back to Disney World. Ever. In. Life. If I hear someone make reference to the place on TV I might give it the finger. Why’s that you ask? What could you have against the most MAGICAL place in the world?!

The magic ain’t free my friends. AND it’s non-refundable.

Let me tell you a story….

So in May of this year a couple of my college friends decided we should do a meet up trip in Florida. One of the bougier members of the group decided we should also go to the Food and Wine festival at the Epcot Center. I love food, so I was all in. I’ll admit… I didn’t do any research, but I also didn’t plan the trip. In my mind, I needed to buy a ticket, have some pocket-money, and be all in for the semi-planned fun I was about to have. I asked for (and got) the PTO, bought my ticket, saved my money, and planned on having a good time. While I DID have a good time, Disney ain’t have SH*T to do with it.

The blueprint for failure

On the road trip from Miami to Daytona, we strategized our attack at the Food and Wine Festival.  With 28 booths, optional food demonstrations, wine tastings, and hot weather, we decided it was enough fun for TWO days. We were going to do 14 booths the first day, and 14 booths the next day.  Now I’d be a DAMN lie if I told you we weren’t trying to find some kind of hook up. I looked to see if my job was offering some discount tickets. Fail. I called a friend to see if we could get a parking hookup. Fail .  With shining eyes, we rolled up to the gate, paid $14 for parking, parked, and floated up to the gate.

First the girl at the ticket counter didn’t see to understand what a two-day pass was, even though the price of a that joker was on a big @ss sign on top of the ticket both. My friend says “I want a two-day pass to the Food and Wine Festival”. The girl at the ticket booth heard some that was so dissimilar that she pulled out a placard and made her point to what she wanted. Mind you, my friend speaks the King’s English perfectly. My second friend walks up to the ticket booth and is basically told that she can’t get any discount the park offers. (The only one that she was eligible for being the Florida resident discount, and since they didn’t accept student ID’s she had to bring in a bill with her FL address on it). They don’t have a student discount, we were all crestfallen to find out. Still, we pay our money, sign out tickets, scan our fingers and our retinas, sign over the birthrights to our first-born children, and enter the damn park.

Mind you, since we planned on feasting on the Disney food we hadn’t eaten all day. Now let me remind you all again. We’d looked over the website, planned our attack, and didn’t see ANYTHING about having to pay to play. That first mind of mine wonders aloud about that, but I am assured that once we get to where the food is, there are free samples to be had. We walk to the first station which is a beer station. None of us are surprised that the beer costs money, and we don’t care because we didn’t come to the park for that. As we walk up the second station, those shining eyes of our start shining a little less when we see the dollar signs. Puzzled, we walk up to a cashier to ask him what’s going on. Mind you, my man’s lips look like he been french kissing flour.

Sir, have you been eating sand?


Us: “We were wondering, could you tell us what is free?”

Him: “The Disney Magic *chuckle*”

Us: *Shut the f*ck up before I knock the slop out ‘chu AND off your lips look*

Him: *chokes on chuckle* “Um, I think they may have some free bread samples”

Now, I just paid for 2 f*ckin days of fun…the shit ain’t free. We IMMEDIATELY about faced and walked to the front of the part, deciding the best way to get our money back. We get to the customer service line and elect a forewoman who happened to be the friend who’d suggested we make the adventure.

Tell me how you really feel

Her: Can you tell me your refund policy? *recapping of the story that I just told*

Him: If it doesn’t say free anywhere in big red letters, it’s probably not free. We actually don’t do refunds. Would you be interested in a ticket to another park?

Her: Not at this time, we were actually coming specifically for this festival

Him: I’ll see what I can do, fill out this form

-Let me interject.  This form has room for name, date and reason for complain. We deliberate, and instead of writing something crazy, we decide on Unclear advertisement. During this time, I walk back over to the ticket booth to see where it said we couldn’t get a refund. Back to the show-

Him: I didn’t tell you to fill out that part. Fill out the form again and just write your name and a contact number.

Her: I don’t remember you telling me NOT to fill out that part.

Him: We call that selective listening.

-By now, everyone is trying not to go straight left on his @ss.

Him: I’m going to process these one at a time to see if they go through.

Me: So, does that mean that only one of us might get a refund and we all have the same complaint? I’m curious, were does it say that you have a “No refund” policy? I don’t see it posted anywhere.

Him: It’s called consumer responsibility. It was on the back of your ticket. We also don’t have signs that say “Tie your shoe or you might fall”.

Me: You mean, on the back of the ticket that I got after I already gave her my money?

-At this point. I’m mad I even own Disney Movies.

At the end of the day, we did get our money back…after all bullshit and being told it was a special concession. Damn straight it was! It will be a cold day in hell before I head back to that place. My children won’t ever have the pleasure UNLESS their father, aunt, uncle, grandparent, *insert name of extended family member* takes them.

And in Closing....


3 thoughts on “Misadventures at Disney

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