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My brother from another mother @andrewdmay said he was going to write about love…but it looks like I beat him to the punch. I’ve been thinking on this one for a minute, so before I put pen to pad (or fingers to keyboard) I wanted to make sure I was in the right place.
That said, I’m going to write what I feel today, knowing it may be different from what I felt yesterday and what I feel tomorrow.
I recently finished reading “Love in the time of Cholera”. If you haven’t read it, I wouldn’t necessarily tell you to run out and get it, but I will hit you with a synopsis of the key points:
1) Young love can flourish in the damndest situations. When people attempt to block it, it can grow stronger. It can grow furiously when tended in secret, and it can die quickly when reality shows that the object of one’s affection is not what he or she seemed.
2) People might get together for the “wrong” reasons (physical attraction, acquiring wealth, status of power), but that feeble foundation can grow into a strong one if people are willing to put in the work.
3)Love never dies.
I think the first time we fall in love (or REEEEEEEEEAL deep in LIKE depending on who you ask) is crucial for how we proceed in love. Is that love returned? Does the other individual even KNOW we love them? Are we thinking this is going to be a forever (forever ever? For EVER EVER?) kind of thing? Did someone drop the “L” word just so they could do the grown up? However this situation unfolds, if it ends badly it might take a long time for the man or woman who feels he or she has been slighted to regain his or her faith in a happy ending. Sometimes -and this is true in teh case of “old love” as well- we “love” what we think the person is, or what they represent to us. A single moment can undermine that love, that moment being one that allows us to see our beloved for everything they are, and everything they aren’t.
Love can claim us at the strangest times. It’s all good at first. Everything. We might stay on the phone all night after texting all day, try to spend every spare moment with each other, hang on each other’s every word, think every.single.thing. our beloved does is amazing. Then, somewhere along the way, the other shoe drops. The same stuff that you was on your “what I love about the person” list ends up on your ” the reasons this futhamucka make me SICK” list. Why does it happen? I can’t really say why exactly, but I can say that it ALWAYS happens. If you ask people who have been together for years and years, I’d bet they have lists that stretch the lengths of their arms, and I bet they would tell you that love is cyclical.
While I DO believe love is cyclical, I don’t think that it stays the same. I think there are times when we are head over heels in love, and other times where it seems we are hanging on by a thread. Anybody who told you love doesn’t take work is a got damn lie. Sometimes the thing that keeps us going is “the way things used to be”. Now, let me interject: like with anything else, it takes two to tango. If both parties aren’t willing to put in the time and effort it takes to get through the hard days then cut your losses. You can’t be in love by yourself. On the other hand, it’s when times get hard that it is even more important for the lovers to listen to each other, for communication to be clear, for the parties to agree to disagree when needed, to know why what they have is worth fighting for. If the lovers come out on the other side, each reincarnation of that love will be better on the other side, because its foundation will be all the good times and hard times that kept the lovers together.