So you already bagged the girl you want! Good for you! This probably isn’t your first or second go round, and by now you know something is happening between the “I got her” to the “I lost her” phase. Now, I certainly understand that it might not have been all your fault sir, but some of it was probably your fault. I don’t even have to know you to say that. The holiday season has left me feeling pretty generous, so I thought I’d write a “how to keep your girl” post. Feel free to keep reading and learn you something.
Remember all the things you used to do when you all first started dating? You might have sent her a random text to let her know you were thinking of her, you would call to talk about her day/your day/absolutely nothing. Why did you stop? Did you stop because you got her? SMH at you. Getting her was the easier part. KEEPING HER (and that is if she is worth being kept) is likely harder. When you pump the breaks on all of that stuff, your girl might start thinking she just met a representative of you, might start wondering what else you might be keeping in the closet.
Relationships do evolve, just like the people in them. Maybe your time doesn’t feel like it is yours to do with what you wish. You might be being pulled in a million different directions between work, school, family, chasing your dreams, or children. WHATEVER it is that has your attention, it’s important that she feels like she has some too. You don’t want her to feel like she is the only one putting forth the effort, nor that she is the least of your concerns. Maybe send her a random “I’m just thinking about you” text. Make it a point to do something with her, whether it is in person or virtually. Go on a date if you can. The point is to make her feel appreciated. Remember sir, it’s the little things. The best thing you can give her doesn’t even cost you ANYTHING. (Starts with a T, ends with an IME).
Did you read the words on that T-shirt? I’ll wait…I feel like that message is direct enough that I shouldn’t have to say anymore, but I will, because someone might be out there scratching his head. I’ll present this one with a scenario:
Your girl has been telling you that she’s not feeling appreciated. That she wishes she could talk to you more. That she doesn’t feel like she is a part of your world. Maybe you don’t have any idea what she is talking about. Maybe you say some ill shit like “I just have had a lot of more urgent stuff going on, stuff”. IF you said some mess like this, depending on the woman, she might already be thinking about quitting your thoughtless…wait. let me reign that in.
Okay. See how I got upset there? While it may be true that you have a lot going on, THAT was not the way to say that. If you leave the though just as it is -and your girl might be bordering on too pissed to try to help you clean that up- she might honestly be thinking she is not a priority to you. There SHOULD be a difference in the way you speak to your girl and the way you speak to your friends. You know why? Because
they not sxeing you your girl-friend is different from you GIRLFRIEND. Your girlfriend is probably going to take those thoughtless comments a little more personally. Hell, your girl-friend probably already knows you got some @sshole in you, but she also isn’t the woman who worries about what your mother thinks of her, isn’t the person dreaming of building a future with you, isn’t the person who wonders what you will name your children. If you really are wanting to keep her around for the long haul, you might start choosing your words. I mean, sometimes she will try to sift through what you said to find out what you mean..but she wouldn’t have to if you too a little more time thinking about how she might take what you say.
This next point goes hand and hand with the “Think before you speak” point, but I think it is different enough that it deserves some attention of it’s own. Sir. Unless you are saying it in anger (and hopefully not even then) do NOT tell a woman that the things that bother/irritate/concern her are stupid. Let me clarify. If a woman says ” I don’t feel like you I can have a conversation with you” or ” I don’t feel like you have time to have a conversation with me” or even “I’m mad at you”, DO NOT say “that’s stupid, and I don’t care” before you ask her why she feels that way. Even after she tells you, you STILL might think it’s stupid…but DON’T you damn say so, at least not in that moment. When emotions are high, “that’s stupid” sounds just like “f*ck you and your feelings”. While I’m on the subject of ways you say “f*ck you” without knowing it, one word replies to a text or comment that should start conversations come off like “I don’t give no f*ck about what you talking about/what you want to tell me/I don’t have time for this”. And that isn’t the foundation for a strong relationship at all.