I think it would be fairly easy to argue that we do everything we do -all the interactions that we have with people, the choices we make for ourselves and our lives- with some thought to the future. Some of us might believe that life is a journey that we guide through our actions, reactions, and inaction, while others might believe they are simply along for the ride and God has a divine plan. Whichever camp you find yourself in, I’d also argue that what you do affects how, when, and if you get there.
I touched on this idea in my post on timing, and I’ll expand on it here. If two people are a seemingly perfect match in every way except the fact that they have different plans for their lives, that too can be a reason why they didn’t find a happily ever after in each other.
Say boy and girl meet and everything is wonderful. They compliment each other in ways neither was sure another could. Sure, they had their differences, but the good in the relationship well outweighed the small bumps in the road. Their religious values, beliefs on raising children, and their morals are in perfect alignment…but their future plans are not. Maybe she wants to be married tomorrow and he doesn’t. Maybe he wants to have kids yesterday and she isn’t thinking about having kids until 2 or three years down the line. Maybe he wants her to be a stay at home wife and mother while she would like balance work and family. I could think of a million different scenarios. The bottom line is…those differences can be deal breakers.
I can add another level of complexity, because I believe we do carry the knowledge we gain (or the baggage, depending on who you are and your insight) into each succeeding relationship. Maybe girl was raised not to put too much trust in anyone outside herself, and can’t bring herself to trust in a dream that she can’t say she is a 100% sure will come true. Maybe she’d changed her plans for love before, and knew that just because things look good now doesn’t mean they will forever and is a little wary about doing so again. Maybe boy saw someone close to him defer his dream for love and didn’t want to live with the regret of doing so when his dream is his life’s passion.
How does one decide between a person he or she believes is his or her destiny and a plan, career path, or dream that he or she believes is her or her destiny when circumstances seem to dictate that choosing one means losing the other? Some people chase their dreams, believing that true love will return once it is set free. Others hold on to the love they have, believing that a life of loving is the true meaning of life.
At present, I’m not sure what I believe. (Cue Ordinary People, John Legend )