“I hate a B*tch…but I love a woman…and where the heaux at?!”


Welp, I can't say he didn't deserve that.

Welp, I can't say he didn't deserve that.


I  don’t follow a million people on twitter, but I follow enough folks to see a common thread in my timeline…that thread being varying sentiments on women. I can’t say that dudes are the only offenders, because they aren’t. I don’t know how many women’s handles have some variation of  “b*tch” or *hoe*, but I also can’t say I have a good count on how many men’s tweets are talking about “Not trusting a B*tch, getting the heuxs, or even women being crazy”.


I’m not about to jump on my soapbox. I think that there are quite enough bloggers holding that down, and I also think words only have the power you give them. Still, I wonder about how all those different references to women show the confusion  (or the love/hate relationship) that the makers of these statements have about the fairer sex (or themselves).


Is this how you feel?


I guess I’ll start with the women. I just said we give a word power and I can’t say I have a sure count on how many positive acronym’s I’ve seen for the word B.I.T.C.H.. I’ll also say when I use the word the last thing I’m thinking about is a positive acronym, and by last thing, I mean I’m not thinking about it at all .(Even though some clever folks took the time to make them up, my bad). Many women who use the word in reference to themselves see the word B*tch as synonymous with empowered female. A woman who is not afraid to speak her mind might hear the word associated with her so much she might think that’s what her mother named her. Still, I think that even though we give the word power, we still straddle the same line as we do with the N word. As a race, we took a word that was associated with degradation and (arguably) turned it into a term of endearment, but woe unto the person of some other ethnicity who takes it upon him or herself to let the word roll of out his or her mouth because some teeth MIGHT follow. A woman MIGHT be okay with her homegirl saying “that’s my B*tch” but coming from a man (and that’s gay or straight) or a random chick those might be fighting words.  In some situations, the people who would be on the receiving end of any aggression might say “I was just following your lead” and in some situations, they absolutely would be.


Wait..what's the category again


On to the men. Out of the two groups, I feel like this is the one that confuses me the most. Some men have told me that a woman can get classified as a b*tch or a hoe depending on how SHE acts. A more promiscuous girl/groupie might be a hoe and a girl with a ferrible (read: f*ckin terrible) attitude might be a bitch…while a woman is in a different category entirely. Hearing that makes me put one foot up on my soapbox, because I think a woman is capable of being all three if those are the definitions are using. I mean the whole idea of a  “lady in the streets but a freak in the bed”deal that men are touting in songs makes me wonder how the men are thinking the woman learned to be a freak.  I’d go out on a limb and say she explored her inner hoe with someone to learn to be that freak. Hell, maybe she had to have a lot of practice? *shrugs*

As far as a calling a woman a b*tch goes, a woman can be one for anything thing from not giving a man her number or not paying him attention when he’s giving her that game or like I said before, is a little more assertive than someone would want her to be. Hell, she might even be a bitch for doing something disagreeable to a man.

So where does the confusion lie? For me, it’s always unexpected to hear a man I esteem talking about a woman that way, because it always reminds me there is more to anyone you know than what they show you. A man can love the woman you are, hate the bitch in you, and be turned on and repulsed by the hoe in you at the same time. I won’t say any woman is all of those things in equal parts, but all of those characteristics might make her the woman that some man loves.


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