I won’t lie, I was a little ashamed of myself to see that it’s been well over a month since I posted. I decided to do something about that today. I’m going to give some of the credit to this post to @aRiSeeAychAyeEN, who put me in the mind to post without meaning to.
I have been praying for a change to come. I actively pursed an avenue that put me in a weird place with some of the people I love, only to have it not work out. I won’t lie; I was more than a little upset. Not only because I wanted it so badly, but also because of the line in the sand I feel like I had to draw. I was surprised to see some people stay on the side opposite me, while other grudgingly towed the line and crossed over. Still, I always feel like when things don’t work out (and when they do), there is always a reason. For all the glitter this opportunity offered, there was surely to be a whole bunch of bull…which could probably be a post in itself.
For people who know me very well, they might say a couple different things about me. Some might say I’m pretty insightful, able to adapt to most situations and always have a plan. Others -people who’d I say know me very well- would say I’m kind of impulsive, always changing a plan, maybe never really having a good plan in the first place.
I’d say that I agree with both of them, to varying degrees. To be honest, I’d def agree with the former than the latter, but I’d be a DAMN lie if I said the latter wasn’t true. When I want out, I want out, and I’m going to try to make sure I don’t have to stay in a situation any longer than I have to. I truly believe that life is too short to be unhappy and that I’m responsible for my happiness. I’m the only one who ultimately has the power to impact my situation through my actions, reactions and interactions.
I have recently made a decision that may or may not negatively impact the lifestyle I’ve become accustomed to. It’s come for a variety of things, but more than anything, it comes from me being in a situation I’m not in love with and wanting to do something other than TALK about what I want to do about it.
I won’t say that change doesn’t come from talking. Generally, change starts with some kind of dialogue, whether that is internal or internal. Talking will only take one so far. In my mind, if you aren’t willing to take some kind of action to turn that talk into some kind of reality…STFU!
For me, it might initially mean turning on my filter (depending on the context of the change) but making sure I say how I really feel, voicing a grievance. After that, I might bide my time, giving the “offending” party a chance to correct the situation, but I just as well may be biding my time until the optimal time to make a move presents itself.
Right now, I’m in a place of transition. I have a destination in mind, but no other real plans. No (concrete) job, no (concrete) apartment, no nothing (though I am actively pursing all of these things). When I tell people about it, I have gotten mixed reviews. Some people are sure I am crazy, while others appreciate the fact I am stepping out on faith, the same way I have during many other times in my life. If it turns out this course of action is mistake I will own it and learn from it, but I don’t feel there is any other way for me to know but to be like Nike and “just do it”.
There are a lot of people who do something (or work) they hate day in and day out for various reasons. Some people do it because they have to; they have kids, bills, and feel like they have very few other options open to them. At present, I can’t say that I can cite any of those things as a reason to NOT try something different…so that means I’m going to try it and see.
Today I put my feet on the road.