F*ck you Pseudo Boyfriend 1.5

I got a response from a man…a long one at that. I thought it was more than worth posting…and I was more than a little bit glad the topic brought him back as a guest poster. Welcome @Richanstweets!


Consider this post the precursor to the blogumentary “Shotguns and Jewelry” …..

I recently spoke to a friend of mine about these “situations” people find themselves in.  You know, those relationships with no titles that have ambiguously defined roles and uncertain longevity for each party. She asked me why men put themselves through these situations. Being one who has been through one myself, and seeing comrades of mine engage in the same, that answer was a little difficult to find. For the sake of argument, lets eliminate the men who are, shall we say, pussy-whipped. That being said, the best answer I could give, as cliche as it may sound….we want to have our cake and eat it too.

Let me explain that phrase in a little more detail. If you’re familiar with NFL contracts, then you’re familiar with the  “franchise tag”.  If you arent, then please read the entire definition below. Ladies, consider yourselves “the player” and the man as “the team/club”

In the National Football League, the franchise tag is a designation a team may apply to a player scheduled to become an unrestricted free agent. The tag binds the player to the team for one year if certain conditions are met. Each team has access each year to only one franchise tag (of either the exclusive or non-exclusive forms) and one transition tag. As a result, each team may only designate one player each year as that team’s franchise player.

Usually reserved for players of great skill or of high importance to the team, a franchise tag allows a team’s manager the privilege of strategically retaining valuable free-agent players while seeking talent through the NFL draft or other acquisitions without exceeding the League’s salary cap. A team may also franchise tag a player with 2 or more years left on a contract.

The designated franchise player will have his one year salary guaranteed if he elects to play for the team that designated him with the franchise tag and if he does not negotiate a contract with another team.

If a club withdraws their offered contract the player immediately reverts to an unrestricted free agent.

Franchise tags come with a hefty weekly paycheck, which looks very good at face value. The franchise tag, however,does not come with bonuses or incentives. So essentially, what you have now is all you will get. No matter how well you ‘play your position’ ladies, you  will get the same. Meanwhile, as for the guy, he is doling out a whole lot with 100% certainty that he will get a great return on our investment, which is YOU for the time being.  So the Valentine’s day cards, the boo-loving, the pillow talk, the trips to come see you, the ‘deep convos’…..does that really make any sense if he’s not willing to claim you? Whats the point of doing all of this if he doesn’t want to show you off?  Most people I know with brand new cars dont clean them, decorate the interior, and throw some rims on the wheels (shoutout to all my coon readers) just to deny that they own that car when asked about it. So then why does a man put all this work in? If you read the definition, its simple.   Its because the woman is “of great skill or of high importance to the team”. 

“The designated franchise player will have his one year salary guaranteed if he elects to play for the team that designated him with the franchise tag and if he does not negotiate a contract with another team.” …This basically means that as women, you gotta take this aforementioned raw deal AND you cant talk to nobody else or you will be released.  Period.

Dont get this twisted, most men really do care about the woman they give the “franchise tag” to, they just don’t have it in them to make them a franchise PLAYER. And there is a difference. Franchise players are the cornerstone you build your entire organization around. You invest in them, you make sure that before anything else is done with the team, it doesnt ruffle their feathers.  Think Peyton Manning.  Players with the Franchise TAG are there because they’re just really good.  They get most of the perks of a franchise player, except for the biggest one. Commitment. And thats exactly why men put themselves in “situations”. He gets the have the woman, and the woman gets to have the benefits OF a relationship. Yet a midst all of the glitz and glamour (and trust, there are many glamorous situations out there), the commitment isn’t there. Therefore, there are no REAL bonds that could be broken, because that wall has been set up.  If we as men arent ready to take the title of boyfriend, we shouldnt be ready to do boyfriend type stuff. The dating, the convos, the sex, even the emotional connection (some of you Drake-ass niggas),  etc.  BUT…..the franchise tag lets us get away with it. And now men, for the most part, have the upper hand on whether that situation continues or ends.

Situations can have happy endings, but more often than not, it always has messy middles. When going into a situation, be cognizant of that, and find out if those ugly middle chapters are worth it for you.  But those franchise tags in the end, only favor the club and not the player. Trust.


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