So @RichansTweets gave us the male POV, but I still felt like it was worth giving my two cents. I just wanted to make sure I wouldn’t say the same thing.
I still might though. We will see how this goes.
I can’t say that I don’t think it is true that a man wants to have his cake and eat it too, for the most part, ol buddy is not sampling too many cakes. For sure, there are some men who are taking full advantage of the arrangement, getting all the cakes they can stand and then some. There are other dudes who aren’t doing that at all though. Maybe things started out and they were keeping it casual, then someone slipped and fell on a bed and someone fell behind them and things started to get complicated.
Maybe he likes this girl. Unless she was a good time girl, they no doubt chatted each other up before they did the grown up. I would hope that he decided (at the very least) that she MIGHT be someone it would be okay to have a child with because if you bring a loaded pistol to a party there might be some shots fired…but that’s beside the point. He might have found out little things about her, little inconsequential things that you tell someone when you are getting to know them. He might have started paying attention to those things and started SHOWING her that he was paying attention to those things…and he made everything messy.
It’s bad enough that many woman can’t separate their hearts from the love below when it comes down to passing it out, especially when it comes to a “no strings attached” kind of arrangement. We are emotional, and it is to be expected. Even if a woman is initially okay with it, there comes a point where she is wondering what the return on her investment is. If it is a long-term thing and she is worth her salt, ol buddy will be making phone calls and buying gifts and spending time, and that kind of emotional investment is a return.
If you really sit back and analyze it, he had to give a little emotional leeway to get (some), so the whole situation is almost guaranteed to fail. He can’t be too aloof because she won’t think he is interested, and she might not even want to consider the whole “situation” set up. After he establishes that relationship and it has been consummated, he has to tread carefully. He has set a standard for the way she expects him to treat her, and maintaining that standard or raising the bar will have her thinking that he is getting in the relationship mindset. What’s even worse is that it doesn’t even have to be a good standard. If he is a “I’ll see you when I see you, but when I do come over I’m going to be all about and all under you” kind of guy, she will accept that from him, and may even see that as the stepping stone to a budding relationship.
Most guys don’t see the warning signs from a girl that she is looking to be chosen and kept, especially in this situation. She might start calling a little more often, taking up a little bit more of your time, actually have you helping her with her life decisions or goals. Where she might have let you do you in the club, she might be backing it up on you just a little more often, watching (or having her girls watching) just a little bit harder. He might shrug it off or fall in step with it, either being the the absolute worse thing he could do. In her mind, it might go to an unspoken agreement that they have crossed a line from being a “situation” to a relationship. The longer it draws out, the worse it will be when the conversation comes around about what exactly their status is, as it is bound to happen.
He might hold off on it because he is oblivious to the fact that this thing is about to happen. Maybe he thinks it will blow over. He might want to avoid the blowup that he is sure will come. It might happen because someone saw him out with another “situation”, or she might tell him she fell in love with him.
Whatever the circumstances, that sure seems like a lot of bullshit for some cake.