F#ck you Pseudo Boyfriend: the Wrap up

First and foremost, I’d like to thank @Richanstweets for guest blogging on this topic. Takes a lot of huevos to go to bat for all men, but .since this my blog, I get to have the last word…so if you got something to say, go ahead and do so in the comments.

When I first started thinking bout how I would respond to the last post 2 words popped up in my head. Which two you ask? F*CK THAT!

Stepping back to think about it and in light of a recent conversation, I have to say I haven’t changed my mind about those two words, but I certainly think they are worth qualifying. I’ve skated around giving my opinion on the topic, but if you like to hear it, here it goes.

My momma always told me not to write a check my ass can’t cash, and I would def say that writing a blank check qualifies. Sure, I’m the dummy at the window with no money, but the fool that wrote it is probably worse off that me standing at the teller. Sooner or later, someone’s name is gone end up and Checksystems…and since I didn’t write that joint, it won’t be me.

If I step up to the window to deposit that check (and yup, I’m going to run with this bankers analogy), that means that I believe that that money is going to be there for me to deposit. Nine times out of 10, I have placed some stake in the value of that check, and no doubt I have put in some work. Maybe I’m playing hoe and/or housewife. Maybe I’m just being down for you. Whatever the role might be, best believe I’m making an investment with an expectation of a return.

Here’s the thing: if you write emotional blank checks all willy-nilly, how will you ever know when you are really ready to cash one? Karma is a B*(&#, and you better believe what you put out into the universe comes back. Maybe some future love interest won’t get you all hype for an emotional investment they are not willing or able to make, but maybe you will always be fearful that he or she will. I’d argue that the latter is worse, as that fear could keep you from investing yourself completely in a relationship that could turn out to be your happily after.

At the end of the day, I don’t care what title you do or don’t give to it, the two people in the “situation” are in a relationship. According to Webster (via dictionary.com) a relationship is defined as

                                                  : a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings.

If you have been dealing with someone long enough for a “situation” to arise, welp, there you have it. In my mind each person in a relationship has the responsibility of being honest with the other party and with his or herself. If you look back at the reasons listed throughout this series about why a man or a woman might consent to be in a situation, I’d vehemently argue that all of them point to a need for either to work on the relationship that he or she has with his or herself.

If you (and this is true whether you are a man or a woman) are looking to get into a “situation” because you have been hurt, you’d definitely benefit more from sitting down and getting some sense of closure about as opposed to jumping into something that is bound to get complicated, and will ultimately lead to more hurt. Some fool one said the best way to get over a relationship is to jump into a new one, and I’m sure that if you re-read the last sentence, you will know that I ABSOLUTELY disagree with that. It doesn’t matter how a relationship ends, the fact that it has ended means that each party needs to have time to get over the hurt that might come with the end. More than that, each person needs to get use to being a “me” as opposed to a “we”. Truly taking the time to do so makes us stronger, wiser, and helps move past the lost love, like, or lust. Being selfish and using another person to get over an ex does nothing but perpetuate a cycle of hurt, a cycle that could have been avoided.

If you (again, doesn’t matter which sex) are looking to get into a “situation” because you think you can bide your time until the other party is ready to be in a titled relationship with you, realize that you are setting yourself up for a fail. If someone tells you they are (or what they are) you better believe them rather than learning the hard way, and it doesn’t matter what his or her actions are telling you. Otherwise, YOU have to take the blame for getting invested in a relationship someone told you they weren’t ready to have.

All the time spent being a pseudo relationship with someone else could be WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better spent in a real relationship with yourself. After all, that is the person you are going to be in a relationship with for the rest of your days.


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