Stolen Moments

If life is a collection of the moments you spend, then it goes without saying that none of them last forever. The most important thing, then, is making sure the moments you are making are the ones you will be happy to see flash by before the eternal slumber comes. It means living your life in a way that ensures you have a plethora of those moments.

Those moments are different for all of us, depending on what we we value. Some of those moments come from celebrations of the lives and loves of the people we hold close, moments we can freely share with the others in our lives, while others, not so much. For those that we don’t share, there are a couple of different motivations. Some of those moments seem less special when we share them with people who weren’t present when they happened while others might bring down the judgement of others. It’s more than fair to say we have our share of those moments in all of the relationships we have, but in some that moment spans the breadth of the relationship.

I won’t bother to make up a statistic, but there is doubtless one amongst the people reading this post who have been a relationship that conventional wisdom or his or her first mind told them would lead to heartbreak. For some of them, it was a relationship with someone whose heart belonged to another. For others, it was the pursuit of a relationship that one party seemed ill equipped to sustain. For others, it was a relationship in which one party had made a life -married- the “wrong” person, but remained in the relationship for the lives they’d created together.

In all of these scenarios lies a common thread, though the motivation for each might be different. Because I believe that each of us has a desire to give love and be loved, I also believe that most relationships fulfill this need on some level. While I would dare not say that each of us gets into a relationship to find the love of his or her life, I would say that we enter relationships to meet some need for companionship, to give us some mutual feeling of appreciating another and being appreciated, and to discern the qualities that we can accept or reject in a potential partner. For some of us, it means taking a road less traveled.

Both men and women find themselves in love triangles, never mind the fact that he or she may not initially be a willing participant in the same. I say initially, because there comes a point when that bomb is dropped, when a person decides whether or not he or she may continue in the relationship. Each person’s motivations may be as varied as “she/he must not be that happy at home if they can find a reason to stray” to “I know it’s more outside circumstances that keep him/her there, not love”, reasons that may look similar at first glance, though neither is mutually exclusive. When the day comes that the triangle is uncovered, the third party has a simple choice- to stay or to go.

While a knee jerk reaction of morality might say that the other party should leave that situation without a second though, each situation deserves a analysis of it’s own. There are men and women who would stay in a marriage that has ended in all but the formal declaration of the same for his or her children, for fear of having to start over, or simply because the finances aren’t in line to make the legal separation. There are others who are perfectly okay with leading up shit creak because they have the opportunity. While the motivations of the other party may be varied, the motivations of the self must be well understood.

If you can look inside yourself and understand that the moment you are creating is one that is destined to end and not get emotionally attached or start dreaming about the family would have, if you can REALLY live in moment and not worry about the future, then, by all means, do you. If you feel confident that you can make a clean enough break before you catch feelings, or after (because it goes without saying that there must be some involved if you are deciding to ride it out) or you feel there might be something for you to learn from entertaining such a relationship, then live your life. Understand that doing so really means taking one day, one moment at a time, and truly seeing it and appreciating it for what it is worth.

Old wives wisdom/adages tell us ” if he/she would do it with you they would do it to you”, as I’ve already said, the adage doesn’t always apply. Whether everything is all worth it in the end will remain to be seen…and the best judge will ALWAYS be the person in the situation.


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