“What we have here is a failure to communicate” Part 1

Life, everything in life, comes down to communication. Without it, we have nothing.

If communication is not important any other time, it is certainly important when it comes to relationships, ones that are developing, ones that are, and ones that end. While miscommunication certainly plays a role, a lack of communication does exactly the same thing. While many people tend to think so, they are not one and the same. Follow me.

When it comes to relationships, miscommunications can happen because two people thought they had an understanding, until it becomes clear that they did not. For a lot of people, this can come in the form of the roles that each expects their partner to fill, or in the promises we make to each other. Some women can be fiercely independent in everything outside of a relationship, and still expect a man to be a “a man”. While he might not make all the decisions that might impact the union with a blind follow from her, she might still expect him to be “the backbone” of sorts. She might not have a single pointed focus on realizing her goals if she knows that his goals might seem to be on a certain timeline, and she might make sacrifices she might not otherwise if she feels that the sacrifice will pay dividends. She might expect him, if not to be the provider, to help make sure that he has a solid way to provide for the future they see together. To that end, she might move places she might not otherwise, or compromise on the timeline she has set for herself to make sure her plans can include him.

This same gentleman may understand the role of a man differently, for any number of reasons. Maybe he was raised in a household where a man had the final word, all the time. Maybe the women in his family where the providers, or the men where stoic figures who put in their input in times of crisis, but were otherwise content to let life play out.

More often than not, the miscommunication becomes apparent when the sh*t hits the fan. Maybe someone is contemplating a move or a change of job. Maybe one partner is going through a period of uncertainty, when they aren’t really sure what they want or how to figure it out.  Maybe they have decided to move in together, or someone lost a job or a family member. In those times of flux, those miscommunications can be deal breakers when emotions and tensions are high and neither party is really sure what the other person didn’t understand.

On the other hand, a lack of communication can be likened to radio silence. That same person who is going through whatever difficulties may not have the words to express how he or she is feeling. They might not really even be able to tell themselves. On the other hand, the person may not understand the importance of sharing how they are feeling. Perhaps they have a niggling feeling that is suppressed until it becomes a monster that can seem impossible to tame.

Here’s the thing: while both can be incredible obstacles, neither is impossible to overcome. Both involve introspection and being willing to have many hard conversations. While some of those conversations should take place with the other party in the relationship, others must take place with the self. No man or woman can tell another what he or she expects until she has an idea of what that it.

Maybe the hardest thing about that is the fact that as life changes, the things we expect, want, and need change, too. It is par for the course in any relationship that people have conversations with themselves and with their partners about the changing needs, and this definitely contributes to the lull and flow in relationships.

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2 thoughts on ““What we have here is a failure to communicate” Part 1

  1. Pingback: “What we have here is a failure to communicate” Part 2 | I'm just telling you how I see it

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